Preordained
by Starlight Sanctuary
Summary: She wanted to be actress - not an Alliance military operative or a Commander or a Spectre - but somehow, no matter what she did, she always ended up right where she was meant to be.
1. Prologue

Preordained

Note: This story will shift in and out of Third person and First Person. When the story shifts to first person, it is because the story would have a better impact in that view - and the same with third person POV. So, don't be surprised!

Disclaimer: I don't own Mass Effect or Bioware, because if I did, I would tell EA to jump off a bridge and die and then rewrite ME3's ending to go with the indoctrination theory, this way Bioware would be claimed the most bad ass sons of a bitches to ever walk the earth… they'd be the new Chuck Norris' …oh, and there would be much more fluffy scenes for the LI's XDDD ENJOY!

Summary: She wanted to be actress - not an Alliance military operative or a Commander or a Spectre - but somehow, no matter what she did, she always ended up right where she was meant to be.

Prologue

_I just wanted to leave a mark on the world, leave something to be remembered by. I suppose that is what every organic being wants, no?_

5:43 A.M. -Earth

Zarina Shepard sat anxiously on her bed, newspaper in hand. She had been reading reviews on her leading performance in the production Curtains for the past 3 hours. Life as an actress was not always easy; it had its ups and downs, its twists and turns. Having just turned 18, Shepard was ready to put herself out into the world, make a name for herself. She was bold, talented, and loved a challenge. And ever since she got herself out of the slums, she has felt the need to challenge herself at every chance she got.

_The slums_, she placed the newspaper on the side of her bed and stood up. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, remembering what it was like to live in the darkest parts of town.

The town smelt of ashes and death. A person couldn't turn a corner without seeing a dead body, and it was all because of them: The Reds. They were a newly formed gang that moved into town from Chicago. No one was sure when it started, but one moment the town was peaceful; the next, in ruins.

* * *

Only having been 7 at the time, Shepard didn't understand what it meant to have parents. She grew up among a group of orphans who, at the time, ran errands for Reds. She did everything she was told, never questioning the morality of her tasks. And because of her obedience, she never dealt with the abuse many of the other orphans endured. It was also this naïve nature that saved her life.

It was a Tuesday morning, and much like any other morning, the gang raided the town in search of promising recruits. Unlike many gangs, they were organized, for they kept files of all of their recruits. When she awoke in the morning, she felt a strange sensation in her gut. Her mind and body felt as though it were on overload. Her head pinged and her stomach clenched, almost as if she hadn't been fed in days. Trying to disregard the feeling, she continued on to her daily tasks. She cleaned up, dressed herself in rags of clothing that seemed to be getting too small for her, and proceeded to meet with Danza, the tasks manager/ caretaker of the orphans. He was a tall man with dark brown hair, dark eyes, and a tan complexion. He was the type of person who didn't take shit from anyone. You either did your job, or you got a 'cap in the ass', as he liked to say.

"Shepard," Danza called out to her immediately upon arrival. She had never told the group her first name, but the group never asked nor cared for it. For a while, she forgot she even had a first name. She walked up to the man and nodded her head, indicating she was prepared for any task he had for her to handle, "There is a package out near Sera's market in need of picking up. Take Morri with you and don't fuck up," the man didn't so much as look at her, he seemed to be working on some high-tech gun. He called it 'callie-braiding', a word that Shepard found to be quite amusing.

Shepard left without a sound and soon proceeded into the next room to find Morri. Morri was a woman with dark hair, dark eyes, and a dark sense of humor, however, she didn't seem to have a problem with Shepard. Morri said, rather often, "Eh, Shepard stays out of the way - and she's quiet. She knows the drill," even though Shepard didn't fully understand what that meant, she knew it must be good, considering she was never beaten for it.

Quickly making her way through a crowd of adults, she found Morri lounging on a chair with a bag of chips. Shepard didn't want to bother Morri, but there was a job to be done. She gently tapped on Morri's shoulder and waited till she had her attention, "Danza says there is a package to be picked up at Sera's Market," She never beat around the bush, because, as she had observed from the other children, doing so would cause her harm.

"Fuck… Sera's Market?" her tone was long and exaggerated, "That ass is just trying to get me out of here… He asked you to do it? Of course, the damn moron would leave a kid to do the dirty work," sighing Morri jumped off the couch and stretched a little. After a moment she looked back at Shepard and glanced to the door, "C'mon, the faster we get this shit done, the faster we can get our asses back here," she said and headed for the door, grabbing her gun on the way.

The one thing that Shepard had always noticed, was that there was never a time when anyone in Reds wore street clothing. They were always clad in high tech armor. This made her wonder if it was because it was natural for them to never let their guard down, or if they were preparing for what seemed to be the inevitable.

Seeing Morri go for the door, Shepard followed behind with a strange aura of determination. For a reason she would never be able to fathom, she always had a fiery feeling in the pit of her stomach when she went on these 'kiddy-missions'. She always found herself focused, aware, and ready for combat. It was a feeling that was seen as unnatural, but all the more natural for her. She had overheard an engineer talking to Danza, saying that she would make a great soldier one day. This confused her. Wasn't playing solder a boy thing?

No more than three minutes later, Shepard found herself in a small vehicle, on her way to Sera's Market. Morri seemed to be a lot more annoyed by the second, which made Shepard a little tense. She really didn't care for what other people felt most of the time, but Morri was just plain scary. She didn't know how to explain in, but she just had this dark aura about her, something that made Shepard feel a bit queasy. When she'd first met Morri, she was but a little girl, fending for herself on the street. Morri took her in and brought her to the reds. She supposed she should praise Morri for what she did, but she found herself reluctant to do anything unnecessary that could cause pain on Shep's part.

As they arrived at Sera's Market, Shepard couldn't help but notice the barren wasteland in front of them. Dirt polluted the air, making sight a difficult task. Though the breeze was pleasant enough, the aura that lingered the forsaken market was enough to incite fear or sorrow in the strongest of beings. Stands once holding food and trinkets lay sprawled across the dirt. What was once a peaceful place was now as pitiful as the rest of the town.

She took a moment to note her own memories in this place. Her first real memory was digging into one of the market stands while no one was looking, trying to make off with some food. She'd been a bit of a thief ever since she was small, mostly because she knew she had to survive. Sometimes she wondered about that late at night, wondering what life would've been like had she been born to a family that hadn't deserted her. What then?

As she took in her final notes, they began to cross through the market. Fragments of memories filled her mind as they continued to the corner of the land. Two small hands reaching up in the air, one gripping a larger, five-fingered hand, the other gripping…

"SHIT," the sound of gunfire filled the air. Before Shepard can even react, she stiffens. Morri's curses fill the silence. In the distance, two shadows begin to approach. Scared, Shepard runs behind a crate. She could see Morri barely off in the distance, her gun just mere inches from Shepard. The shadows turn into men with guns and high tech armor. Without a moments hesitation, they shoot Morri in the head and start making their way to the crate. Instinctively, Shepard grabbed the gun and hid it by her side. Her heart beat wildly in her chest as she waited for the men to draw closer. She'd only seen a few of the Reds members shoot guns. She'd watched their stance, how they moved, waited, and watched. She knew if she was to survive, she would have to mimic their movements from memory.

The men came towards the crate. As soon as the first one drew close enough for her to see a body - anything - she aimed the gun and pulled the trigger. She gasped as the aftershock of the blow pushed her back. The man seemed to drop dead. The adrenalin seeped into her head, she ducked in cover and peeked out, looking for the second man. She saw him crouching by a pile of debris. Using the best estimate for aim she could muster, she shot at the debris, trying to draw the man out. He jumped out of the pile, heading for another crate. She aimed ahead and waited for the right moment to shoot. She took a final shot and, without checking to see if both men were dead, she blacked out.

"She-..d… Ca-…me?" A very soft voice called out to her. Her vision was blurred, making it seem like a dream sequence, "Shepard," the voice was very clear now, "Can you hear me?" the voice was unmistakably male. As her vision returned to her, she began to notice she was no longer behind the large crate; no longer fighting for life.

She blinked and held her breath for a moment before starting a sentence, "Morr-" as soon as words began to leave her lips, pain shot through her body. She had too many cuts and bruises to even begin to count. Her breathing became ridged as she began to slip out of consciousness. The last thing she heard before blacking out was a voice shouting for morphine.

* * *

_I am standing in a white room, one so bright it is hard to tell if it is really a room at all. There is nothing in the room, other than the four solid walls, acting as a barrier around me. A sense of apathy fills my body as I look around. Here, I cannot feel pain. I cannot feel… anything. The air is so still, almost as if there were none at all._

_"Zarina, my darling, your daddy would be so proud of you…" a distorted voice echoed in the room. Confused, I looked around, trying to discover the source of the sound, "Sweety, you should not be here. Not now," the voice is louder, a female voice, I realized. So familiar. A figure seeped through the wall in front of me. No more than a few moments later, a tall woman stood in front of me. She had long, brown, curly hair and deep blue eyes. She wore a long white gown, the same color as the walls._

_"Who are you?" I asked, but I dare not step forward. It was then I began to feel again. I felt sadness, so much sadness._

_"We'll meet again one day, my darling. You have to be strong," She stepped close to me and held me in her arms, "Breathe…" As she said that, I felt as though I could not breathe. My body erupted in pain - prickling pain - one so intense, that I could hardly keep on my feet._

* * *

Shepard awoke with a harsh gasp. She squirmed and coughed, breathing hard as if she hadn't been breathing at all, "Mom!" tears stung in her eyes as she sat up quickly. She had been laying on a large table with a white sheet over her. She jumped off of the table and looked around, trying to figure out where she was. She was in a large room. Boxes were pilled in multiple corners and there was a staircase that led up to what seemed to be another floor. Taking a deep breath, she walked over to the stairs, contemplating whether to investigate her whereabouts further. It was then she realized, she had no choice.

She walked up the stairs, her arms and legs aching. When she made it to the top of the staircase, she realized that she was back at Red's HQ. It was quiet though, a little too quiet for her liking.

Taking a deep breath, Shepard headed up the long staircase. She secretly hoped it would lead her somewhere with noise - anywhere - so long as there was noise. She was too accustomed to a life with crowds; it felt all too strange when silence surrounded her. It forced her to rely on instinct. It forced her to realize that silence does not have her back. Silence meant she was alone.. Silence meant a higher probability of death. Either way, silence never meant anything good.

It felt like a horror movie, walking up the stairs with your heart racing in your chest. She felt anxious, almost scared. After a few moments, she took a deep breath and suppressed any feeling of anxiety she could. The reaper is not waiting on the other side, she told herself, mama said it's not time… She clenched her teeth as she crossed into the shadows of the main floor. The place seemed to be completely cleared out. _Where is everyone?_

* * *

Zarina stood up from her bed and walked across the room to her window. She looked out onto the streets of New York. She felt so far away from home. She was accustomed to the violence, but the bustling city was still quite new to her. Sometimes she wondered if Chicago once looked like this. The history books said it used to be called the windy city, or something like that. It was once a bustling town with skyscrapers so high you seemed like an insect in comparison. What if I had been born here? Would I be any different? She clenched her jaw and took a deep breath, Would I be any less me?

* * *

It had taken her some time, but she had found her way out of the darkness of the old headquarters and into the living quarters… Completely abandoned. It was a scary thought, being completely alone in such a large building. For a moment, it almost seemed unreal. Slowly, she began to walk her way out of the building, into the dark of night, where she would let the road take her.

8:32 P.M. Earth

The next night, Shepard found herself in her dressing room, preparing for the next showing. She found it frustrating to have to cake on makeup, but she did what had to be done.

For the first time in a while, she took a look at herself in the mirror. She had long blackish brown hair that cascaded down to her elbows. Her eyes were a deep ocean blue, almost like the color had been ripped from the sea and placed in her eyes. She took a moment to wonder where these features came from, where her light skin and high cheek bones came from. Where did her rosasia come from? Her very mild case of exema? What about her little nose? Or her chin? She knew she would never know the answers to these questions, but sometimes, it was a good stress reliever to ponder.

The door hissed open, "Places 30 minutes, Morri!" a familiar voice filled the room. It was the stage manager, Lauren. She was a short, average size woman with blonde hair and blue eyes. She was very passionate about what she did and for that, Shepard respected her.

"Thank you, 30 minutes!" Shepard called back. It was an old theater tradition for the stage manager to call for places in the countdown from 30 minutes. It was an exciting time for most, but Shepard just found it annoying.

She shook her head and sighed. Every time someone called her name, it was a reminder of Morri. That was the character she took on when she joined the troupe. No one knew her real name, but that didn't bother her. She preferred it that way.

* * *

It was that time again, she crossed from stage right and made her first entrance. It was invigorating. She let go of her previous thoughts of the night past and molded herself into a new character. She was Nikki, the sweet, innocent new actress trying to pursue her dreams.

As she spoke her first few lines, something strange began to occur. There was a lingering stillness in the air, like something bad was about to occur. And before she could even process what was happening, a shot rang through the distance and struck the actor next to her. There was a long pause before the audience began screaming, trying to understand what was going on. And she just stood there, confused - looking sweet and innocent.

Another shot was fired, and this time Shepard reacted. She rolled across stage and to stage left. She had to find the source of the shot. She used her quick wits to figure out that it didn't even come from the audience. The only places it could've been fired from was the flyspace. She ran to her dressing room and grabbed her gun, making her way up to the catwalk. She got up to the entrance, and spotted a man with a gun at the door. He had dark brown skin and short cropped hair. He looked military. In a defensive stance, she slowly made her way to the man, "Put your weapon down," she said in a defiant tone.

The man didn't even turn to her, "The shooter is after you, though I can't fathom why," he said, "An actress with no background… no schooling, no identity reports, no birth certificate, a stolen name…," the man paused, "My name is Anderson, Commander Anderson, the shooter up there… his name is Danza Carabello. Do you recognize that name?"

Her words got caught in her throat, and silence filled the gap between them, "We need to stop him before he shoots others. Stop with the questions and watch my six," she answered and then didn't say another word, just headed for the door.

It all happened in a flash from there. She hadn't been up into the catwalk in ages; the place really freaked her out. She hated how high up it was, knowing that one slip could mean severe injury or worse. She carefully made her way across the row of Ellipsoidals, "Danza," she called out, "This is Shepard," she started, trying to see if she could figure out what was going through the man's mind. Of course, he'd have to answer her in order for that to happen, "What are you doing here? I thought you believed me to be dead. You left me after all, in that white room."

The response was immediate, "You were supposed to be dead. Everyone was supposed to be dead," the voice was dark and he spoke quickly, "I thought there were only 5 survivors, but apparently there were 6," he sounded ashamed of himself.

"What are you talking about, Danza? You were with me with the nurse in that room, you were trying to help me. I don't understand," she stepped forward, trying to discern the origin of the voice from the other sections of the catwalk.

"They tell me to kill you," his voice was hushed, "you will ruin it, they say." he was quite obviously insane, not having the capability for thoughts that are thought through and moral. There was something terribly wrong with him though, something that she couldn't quite understand.

"Why?" was all Shepard could stand to ask. She was so confused, but she didn't let confusion waver her guard.

"Sol has the key, the blueprints. You'll undo everything. They won't have you do that," his voice sounded very strange, like his body was being controlled, "I can't…" She tried to say something, anything to keep him talking, but as soon as she started a sentence, a shot went off. She thought she heard her ear pop for a moment; she was scared that she would lose her hearing.

The man, Anderson, who had been standing behind, watching her, stepped past her and over to a grouping of sandbags, "He's killed himself," his voice gave off a disappointed vibe, "there goes our last connection to the murders," he sighed and turned around, "So, you were once part of the Reds," he paused for a moment, seemingly thinking of what to say next, "Why did you choose this life?"

His question came off as rather odd to her, as if he knew something that he wasn't supposed to know, "Because it was something I was good at," Shepard said in a low voice, her eyes were set on him, her guard never wavering.

"So, you waste your acting abilities and your survivalist training doing off Broadway shows at minimum wage?" his eyes softened a little, "you could be doing something so much more with your life. Why didn't you join military?" he asked, a look of curiosity in his eyes.

This felt awkward to her. The entire thing… it felt staged somehow. Perhaps it was her brain sending off strange vibes, but she didn't like this at all, "I…" she didn't even know what to say, "never thought to," she hadn't put a single thought into her sentence. It wasn't as if she had never thought of joining the military, but she didn't want that life anymore. She didn't want to have to live on dirt, continuously fighting for life.

"I have a proposition for you then, Shepard. Join the Alliance. There is so much you could accomplish with them, if you feel inclined," he paused and his eyes slowly began to harden again, "go to the recruitment center and sign up. I'll even put in a good word for you,"

"I don't understand," none of this made sense to her. Why would anyone just offer her a job out of the blue? A job she was not qualified for? Why would he put in any word for her? He didn't even know her.

"You have a warrior's look in your eyes and you also seek to help others, rather than yourself. You have been trained to be that way your entire life, have you not? You don't need to understand, I'm giving you a recommendation. Think about it."

And that was the end of it. Commander Anderson disappeared, and everything seemingly returned to normal. Well, normal except for the buzzing questions in her head. She wanted badly to make something of herself. What could she do in the acting business? What were her odds? She couldn't incite change in an acting roll, no matter how good she became. So, what was she left to do? Continue in her fun, but undermined way of life, or leap for something that would make a difference? Maybe Anderson…

Suddenly, a flag went off in her head. _…Anderson._

* * *

2 years ago, January 8th, 4 A.M, Earth

_I was sixteen and I was fighting for my life. I'd finally escaped the Reds, fed up with their way of life. I needed something bigger; I needed something that would help me incite change. I was fed up with those low lives; fed up with them scrounging around for money; fed up with them having gang wars within their own ranks; fed up to the very core with them. And one night, I finally gained the courage to make my dash._

_You would've thought that I would've stayed away from the Reds after I was separated from them years ago. I ended up in a shelter, from which I eventually ran from. It feels like I've been on the run most of my life now, but call me crazy, I know there has to be something I am missing._

She made her way to a little town just outside of Andover, Massachusetts. It had been a long and hard journey there, but it was well worth it. Massachusetts was left completely unaffected by the Reds, so this would be the perfect place for her.

The first thing she noticed about the town was the quiet atmosphere. It was neat and tidy and it seemed as though everything had a place. Perhaps this could be the place for her - well, at least for a little while.

She took a few months to settle into the town. The people were wary of her at first, but they eventually warmed up. When people asked of her name, she took on a sweet, bubbly, 19 year old character named Lelianna. The character allowed her to fit in perfectly with the rest of Andover. And no one suspected a thing… well, almost didn't suspect a thing.

It was an early morning on the winter solstice. Everyone in the town was preparing for their annual festival. It was funny to her. Hundreds of years ago people would be murdered for their religions. Now, people with similar beliefs would settle into one town, and when one disagreed, they would find a new town (or simply deal with it).

_Lelianna_ had been sitting in the town coffee shop, enjoying a warm blueberry muffin. She had found work with the town's small police force, so every morning she would go to the coffee shop for a muffin before work. It was simple and simple made her life a lot less complicated.

However, this morning there was a strange aura amongst the townspeople. It was a little concerning to her, as she didn't know what would happen if her 'character' was discovered. She didn't think anyone suspected her of anything. No. She was too careful for that. There was just something strange that got to her about the quiet chatter of the people around her. It was the winter solstice. Why on earth were people so quiet?

"Mornin', Mr. Anderson!" came a holler from behind her. It startled her, considering the morning had been so quiet.

"David? David is that you?" she looked up to see the baker, a tall, dark skinned man with a surprised, yet excited look on his face. The baker walked swiftly over to another man, having very similar characteristics to him. But what really set them apart was that the newcomer was wearing a military uniform. She couldn't tell from which part of the military he hailed from, but he seemed to be of a relatively high rank.

"That's Commander David Anderson to you," David had a big grin on his face, "I got shore leave to come and see the family. How's mom? Last time we talked you said she was sick…"

The conversation trailed off. She quickly lost interest in it and continued on with her morning. She finished up her muffin and then proceeded to pay for her breakfast. She then made her way up to the police station on the other side of town. During the solstice, crime was usually at its highest point (though crime wasn't relatively high to begin with here), but for reasons unbeknownst to everyone, crime had decreased. As Shepard sat at her desk, she began to wonder if it had anything to do with the arrival of the newcomer, David Anderson. Or 'Commander' Anderson. She shrugged, brushing off the thought.

"Lelianna," the voice came from beside her. It was her coworker, Erik. He was an average height, but built male with dirty blonde hair and green eyes, "How's your day been treating you?" he was always like this: Semi-flirtatious, but never enough to really bother her. In fact, she rather enjoyed flustering the boy when she got a chance.

"Decent. But I have to say," she paused and took a look around the quiet office, which was usually bustling with people and new cases, "its so boring. Sometimes, I actually look forward to this time of year," she cracked a smile. This was her character, after all.

He smiled back. Then, there was a sudden change of look in his eyes, as if he suddenly became a little more determined or confident, "So, this is going to be your second solstice here, right?"

The question struck her as odd. Of course it would be her second year, she only joined the force a year and a few months ago. Then it struck her. Oh. He's trying to be 'friendly'. More so than usual, "Yes," she replied, and then grinned a bit, "Why?" she raised her eyebrows a little, "Is it cold by your bedside?"

The man's cheeks turned a light pink, his mouth hung slightly open, and his eyes looked both surprised and a little pleased, "Um… I," he started, but was having difficulty placing words, "I was," he took a breath to regain his composure, "just wondering what you planned to do for it. Most people go with family to the festival and help with the-"

She cut him off, "Yes, I know," she shrugged a little and said, "I went alone last year, I don't see why this year should be any different," she was curious how he would follow up with that. However, before he could say another word, the telephone on her desk began to ring. She quickly picked it up, still staring at Erik with intense eyes.

"Hello, this is the Andover Police station, Lelianna speaking," she felt that a receptionist every single time she answered the phone, but that was part of her job.

"Shepard," the voice was male, but it was too distorted for her to figure out who it was. There was only one group of people who knew who she was, "We found you…" the phone cut off. She stood there and intook a sharp breath. She shook her head slightly, her eyes had this hint of urgency to them.

"Who was it?" asked Erik, immediately. He had this concerned look in his eyes, "What's-"

She cut him off, "I have to go," and looked slightly frantic, "Tell Mr. Crenshaw-" there was a shot fired in the distance, "Damn it!" she grabbed her gun and ran out of the station. She wouldn't let the Reds ruin the only place they she could hide.

But as she walked out of the station, she began to realize something. That shot that was fired didn't sound like it was fired from the outside… it sounded distant, but… relative. She turned and started to run back inside. As she did, a few more shots were fired. She felt that adrenalin rush through her.

When she got back inside, there were three armed gunmen. However, they were shrouded in black. They reminded her of Akatsuki from that anime show she used to watch with Morri. They were attempting to seize the place, "Where is Shepard?" they kept asking, "Where is she?"

Erik looked frantic, afraid for his life, "There isn't a single Shepard in this place. I don't know who you are talking about,"

One of the three gunmen pointed a gun at him, "We know she is-"

"I'm right here," she took a deep breath. She knew this pretty much meant death for her, but she still had a few cards up her sleeve, "Why did you track me down?" it was a legitimate question. Why do they want her to begin with? She wasn't that important.

"You have information about us that no one else has. You either come back with us or you die," The second person's voice sounded familiar. It was female. She couldn't pin a name on her though, but she'd heard the voice before.

"Okay, everyone just calm down," Shepard started. That is when she saw him again. In the background of the scene was another armed man. She recognized him from the coffee shop earlier: Commander David Anderson.

"Lelianna," Erik whispered to her, "what are they talking about?"

"Shut up!" the third gunman called, another male. The voice reminded her of Finch, an old friend of hers. They had grown up as children together. It disgusted her a little to know he was willing to kill her for running away from their way of life.

However, she began to smile. She watched as Anderson closed in on the three. Shepard held out her gun, "Care to play a game?" she was trying to distract them. Trying to allow Anderson into position. She aimed her gun at the female, "Am I really worth dying over?"

"Its three against one, bitch. You think you can kill all three of us? You aren't even wearing-" Anderson did the first shot, shooting the female in the back. Shepard took a shot at the second man, the one whose voice she couldn't recognize.

Only one of them was left standing, "Finch," Shepard started, "Get out of here," she said in a soft voice, "You're better than them."

With that, Finch ran, faster than she'd ever seen him run. He was a lucky fellow. Shepard sighed, "Thanks," she said in a soft voice over to Anderson, "You really saved my ass just now."

Anderson came out from his position and made his way over to Erik, "You okay, boy?" he looked genuinely concerned. She watched them for a moment and soon made her way back out of the building. She needed to get away again. Somewhere where they really couldn't find her.

* * *

_I think… I think I want to make a difference._

* * *

A/N That took forever to write. This is going to be my first long chapter story. I'm thinking I should be able to update every other week, hopefully. With exams coming up soon that could be a little difficult, but then again, with summer coming, it'll be easier. Anyway, hope you enjoyed! Leave me a response so I can figure out what to fix for the next upcoming chapters. :D


	2. Akuze

Chapter 1: Akuze

A/N: Hey, sorry this is so late. I'm kind of a wreck, emotionally. My nana is in the final stages of Alzheimers and… my grandfather is helping her through it. We're all pretty sure she won't make it to see my graduation next year, so for the next couple of updates it might be… okay, will be very slow. I'll survive though. When times are rough, you just gotta hold the line. So, hold the line I shall.

Note: This chapter is kind of confusing. It gets cleared up later on in the story, but it is supposed to be confusing because not even Shepard fully understands what happened. If she is confused how can anyone else not be? Right? Also, remember that Shepard is a new graduate of the N7 program. She has hardly had any alien combat experience while leading her own group. You've got to fuck up somewhere in order to become great at what you do.

* * *

_From the diary of Zarina Anne Shepard. The information kept inside this book is from the month-long stay in Alcova Hospital after the battle on Akuze._

* * *

Dumb doctors… I don't understand how they can possibly think this will help me. I'm traumatized, not insane. They keep asking the same questions over and over again. They never take my answers as sufficient; they are always coming back for more. Recount your tale, they said. Tell us what happened, they asked. It seems everyone is out for the truth… but, I don't even know the truth. I don't even really know what happened. One minute we are on the ship, having a merry time; the next, fifty soldiers are dead.

* * *

What lays beyond the spectrum? It is a curious question, no? Sometimes I wonder what would have happened had I never made it into that refuge camp that day. Where would I be? Dead?

There is a fine line between love and a waste of time.

~Avenue Q

* * *

I trusted my team with all of my being, and up until that day, I was willing to give my life to protect each and every one of them. That day, however, I wasn't given a choice.

It was midday when we arrived. A sweet, yet ominous breeze filled the air as we descended on foot to our destination. We didn't know what would be at the base waiting for us. Had any of us known… There was always that thought in the back of our minds: What would we do if we met death? Would we embrace it? Accept it? Deny it?

* * *

Now I'm just scribbling in here. I have a few drawings, really shitty ones too. I drew this picture yesterday of a Krogan…. It literally looks like a pile of shit.

* * *

So, there we were, walking our way up a large steep hill. Our calves were burning from the hike. Only a few more minutes, we kept telling ourselves. The base wasn't far from the drop point, so it didn't seem all that bad.

My captain had given me this job. It was supposed to be a simple 'check on the kiddies and make sure their equipment is working correctly' mission. It wasn't suppose to be a full out assault by… that creature.

When we made it up to the base, something wasn't right. It was so quiet, the type of quiet that makes your skin crawl. At this point, I had been in the back, behind my troops, checking my damn headset. I had thought it was malfunctioning… could a malfunctioning headset really have saved my ass? What a scary thought…

And then we heard a noise. Before we could even react, we were confronted by this alien creature, spitting acid from it's mouth.

* * *

I had a nightmare last night. I had a dream that I was back in Curtains, and right when the finale finished, that beast in Akuze attacked me… unfinished business? I dunno. It scared the shit out of me.

* * *

I had that dream again… Not the one about the 'Thresure Maw', or how ever the hell it is spelled. It was that one I had when I was little. The one with the creepy white room…It makes me wonder why I am even here. Why was I placed on Earth? Where the hell were my parents? WHY AM I SO ANGRY?

* * *

Doctors just diagnosed me with a severe case of anxiety… I wonder why? (sarcasm) They want to know what happened so badly? They can look at the piles of bodies on Akuze. They can look at the way the acid burned through 50 officer's bodies.

And their screaming. It haunts me every night.

* * *

Zarina sat at the edge of her bed. It had only been a couple of months since the incident. But after she was given clearance to leave the hospital, she went straight back on duty. Tonight, however, was different. She felt the need to do them, her brothers in arms, justice. She just didn't know how. She had a tape recorder in her hand. It reminded her of that diary she kept while in the hospital.

Perhaps tonight. I can do it tonight. She played with the device in her hands, trying to figure out how she wanted to word everything. After hours of simply sitting there, she walked over to the couch in the corner of her room. She took a deep breath and then proceeded to click the record button.

"May 2nd, 2177. It was a cold morning when we made it to Akuze. There were 51 of us. Each of us had our own special training, our own path that we had been working on.

"I had just finished my N7 training. It had been 5 years since I set my foot in that office of admissions to join the alliance and 3 years since I was approached by an N7 recruiter… and I'm rambling…Captain Timothy Udred assigned me this task. He said it would be a simple mission, but to take lots of backup just in case. After all, Akuze was an entire day's ride by ship.

"I remember talking to Officer Anna Coralstin that morning. We were discussing the way humanity was headed. She believed that humanity needed to slow down and work its way into gaining trust. Lieutenant Mark Aniston disagreed and said that if we didn't keep fighting we'd be pushed away to the point that advancement would be impossible. Those two were always fighting, always disagreeing, ever since we'd graduated together. I figured they'd get married one day.

"After my debate with Coralstin and Aniston, I proceeded to brief the team on the mission. It was a wild experience, having never been a team leader before. And the size of the team… It was one of the proudest moments of my career.

"Alright, here is our mission: We are to land on Akuze in approximately 45 minutes. From there, we will investigate the our colony. As you know, it has mysteriously gone dark.

"Udred believes this mission will be a simple kiddy mission, I believe otherwise. There are forces in this universe that we can never fully be prepared for. So, I want you all to prepare yourselves to the best of your ability. I believe in every single one of you. Make me proud."

"It wasn't my best speech, but I'm sure one day I'll have a better cause to speak towards.

"We landed just off the coast of the colony, for it was surrounded by a large forest. The colony was just a mile hike into the forest. The forest was strange though. The trees seemed normal, but the dirt seemed almost like blackened sand. And it was thick, thick enough to make you feel the need to watch your step.

"We spit off into two groups. One group, led by Coralstin, would make their way towards the westward entrance of the colony; and the other, led by me, the south entrance. The hike wasn't bad, though the colony's weather was searing.

"We finally made it up to the entrance a few minutes later. However, something was off. I attempted to contact Coralstin, but to no avail. We'd completely lost radio contact. Worried, I made the call to take a look at what was causing the interference. Perhaps there was a jammed signal in the area causing our radios to loose reception… I didn't know. I was in the back of the squad at that point, just trying to see if there was anything at all wrong with the headset. As we closed in on the entrance, I found nothing wrong with it.

"That's when we smelled it. A smell like a chemical plant. The scent burned the insides of your nose and caused your eyes to water. But that wasn't all. There was the smell of burning flesh. It was strong enough to cause a few of my weaker soldiers to lose their lunch. They descended around the corner, I had stopped to adjust my headset once more. All I could hear was static… until a loud noise filled the silence. There was a loud screech and then screaming… so much screaming! I ran around the corner, but in moments it was easy to see piles of corpses. I didn't know how many were even my soldiers. There were uniforms I'd never seen before, men, women, even a few children. And at the front of it was a large snake-like beast, spitting acid from it's mouth.

"At first, I panicked. I stood there in fear. I could've done something… anything. Within moments 90% of my squad was decimated. I watched as they fired as many shots as they could at the beast, praying for survival… I… I failed them. As the last of my soldiers fell I just stood there, idiotically in shock. I took out my own assault rifle and began shooting at the beast then. There was so much adrenalin running in my veins. The beast spat its acid at me, landing mere yards from my position. A few drops landed on my armor, I could already see it burning through slightly. I just kept shooting.

"Somehow… it died. I emptied out every magazine of bullets I had. And the next I knew… I saw darkness.

"I woke to the feel of burning. I had fallen in a small pool of acid, hardly any at all… but it had burned through my armor. I didn't dare look around. I wasn't a fool, I knew what had happened. I stood up and unlatched the armor from my body. If I'd kept it on, the acid would've continued burning me. I ended up discarding most of my under clothing as well, seeing as it too had acid on it. The chemical burns caused my skin to bleed rather badly. It didn't seem like I'd bleed out or anything… Anyway, I continued moving. If I'd heard a single thing moving, I'd hide until the noise subsided.

"When I made it back to the shuttle, I found it was completely sabotaged. I don't think I'll ever know what happened to it. I couldn't even radio to the alliance about our location… but someone would come. Eventually. It was then my resolve was set. I needed to live or all of my men would've died in complete vein. I needed to keep their memory alive, so I needed to be alive. I camped out in the woods for three days. The water on the coast was enough to keep me from dehydrating too badly, though it tasted odd. But it was either drink it or die, the former being my only real choice.

Three days later, that is when the rescue shuttle finally arrived. I refused to speak of what had happened. I couldn't bare it… I was placed in a hospital with intensive therapy. It wasn't the therapy that I needed though.

Uldred visited me a month later and told me about his first experiences as a leader, "Everyone makes bad calls at some point in their career, but if you don't take the step to make their sacrifices worthwhile, then you'll never be able to live with yourself. We can't save everyone. Remember that."

Shepard clicked the stop button on the recorder. Thinking back on what had happened, there was so much she could have done to prevent Akuze's disaster. If only she had known.

* * *

A/n: Because of my slow replies, and how short this chapter is as of current, I am making a double chapter post. The next chapter is called The Turian. Enjoy!


	3. The Turian

Chapter 2: The Turian

It was hard to remember a time when she didn't know him. Sometimes when she envisioned the events at Akuze, she pictured him there beside her, coaching her out of the danger. He, in general, was a calming thought, the idea that there were still decent and interesting men out there. Their meeting was interesting and rather bizarre, but she remembered it like it was only a few short hours past.

"Ready up the barricade, the batarians will be on us in a few short moments!" A voice called out from further down in the camp. Soldiers were preparing for the raid and we had to be as careful as possible to avoid alerting the enemy. Of course, careful planning didn't do us any good, as we had already been discovered in the midst of our operation. They knew we were coming, and we had to act fast.

This was the original plan. We were to land on Atieo, perfectly safe and quiet. We'd set up our bunkers and then start our operation: Zero Five One Scar. She thought it was a pretty idiotic name too, until she realized that it was simply the number of the escaped criminal and his name. Then she thought it was very uncreative.

Scar was a batarian pirate who led the 8th Brigade into the Citadel 14 years ago. This Brigade not only terrorized most everyone of every race within the unsecured parts of the Citadel, but also recruited spies in exchange for safety. This terror reigned on for 5 years. No one could pin point the leader, for their squads were spread throughout the Citadel. This one ambitious Batarian would then try to take over the entire citadel. However, in the midst of his operation, one of his spies worked as a double agent. This Agent was named Kai, not much else is really known about him other than the fact that he was just a kid. The rumors were… interesting at most. No one except for those who worked the case actually knew a thing about this 'Kai', but such are many government secrets.

The kid, Kai, had 'ratted out', as Scar had called it, their plans to C-sec, and the entire Citadel take-over went to shreds. Scar, however, had never been caught. 11 years later, here we are, chasing down Scar himself.

"What are you doing, Vakarian, get your ass into position!" General Korintha yelled, walking across the bunker. Shots could be heard firing from the outside. The others were supposed to lead the batarians into the bunker where they would be surrounded.

"Sir, Scar isn't amongst this group. He is too clever for that sort of-" the turian's speech was cut off by the general once again. He winced slightly, receiving another yelling.

"It is called strategic planning, Vakarian," the general seemed to enjoy spitting out the turian's last name, "now get your sniper ass-," a shot in close range rung in the distance.

No one knew where it came from. General Korintha fell slowly. The turian soldier, Vakarian was stunned for a moment and then dove his way into cover. Everyone was on the offensive. There were 10 soldiers stationed throughout the small bunker. Now, no one knew who to trust. Who was the shooter? The batarians hadn't even come into the bunker yet. Everyone was shooting at each other. Every man for themselves.

"Stop!" Shepard tried yelling, trying to get anyone's attention. That's when she saw him laying there. He was leaned up against a wooden box, grasping his arm. It was the sniper from before. He had his gun next to him, his right arm holding it for dear life. His left hand covered a wound to his shoulder. He was bleeding out quickly. She ran to him, pulling the medigel from my pack, "Hold on," she said reassuringly, "You're not about to die yet," he didn't seem to be responding. She shook him slightly, "Hey! C'mon, say something," his eyes flickered slightly, showing that he was conscious. He was watching me, his eyes pleading for help. She grabbed at the fabric of the bottom of her pants and ripped it as best as she could. She wrapped the fabric tight against his wounded shoulder. She took a moment to look around, the shots had began to quiet down. People had been feeling the bunker, trying not to get their asses shot.

"S-scar," the turian beside me coughed out. He looked down, shaking his head a little, "He infiltrated our bunker. He posed as one of us. I-," he looked up at me, gripping his riffle tighter, "I tried to warn them. You always need to check heads before a sniper assault… You need to make sure everyone is-," another cough, "who you think they are," he took a deep breath and laid his head back.

Shepard looked around first, "I need to get your out of here… the med camp is only a decimeter away," the look he gave me, She'll never forget. He stared at her with true hopelessness. Get out of here? No way, his face read. There is no way we will get out of here without getting shot in the ass. This entire mission was a failure.

She shook her head and proceeded to work on picking him up to his feet, "Don't give me that look. I'm getting you out of here, alive," her voice came out as almost a growl. She was fully determined to get this boy out of here. After getting him on his feet, they wobbled to the door, keeping a lookout for any potential danger, "Its clear for the moment," she needed to get him talking, keep him fully aware and focusing on living, "What's your name, kid?"

"Hah," he hoarsely coughed out, "You're barely older than me if at all, missy. The name is Vakarian, Garrus Vakarian," he seemed to smile ever so slightly, trying hard not to laugh, "Oh, man, don't get me laughing, I feel like my arm is going to fall right off,"

Shepard kept a smile on her face, trying to keep his spirits up, "We're almost there, see?" she pointed to a small hub just on the side of another bunker. There weren't many sounds coming from the place. In fact, it seemed almost deserted. She felt a sinking in my stomach, oh no… what if it is deserted. She tried not to let the sudden ping show on her face. No matter what, this turian, Garrus, he wasn't going to die. She wouldn't let him. Too many people have since died on her watch. Not another, not today.

As she reached the tents, her suspicions were proven correct. The place was deserted, well, besides a few corpses around the data hub. She brought him up to one of the cots. He looked at me concerned, "There's no one here," the hope in his voice was completely diminished.

"I… I can do something," She started looking around frantically, "I have basic first aid… and… there! Gauze, medical tape," it was like finding buried treasure. She didn't know why, she was just panicking. Calm down, Zarina. Calm down. She saw a headset not far away. She grabbed it and ran back to Garrus, being careful to try and put a little more steady pressure on his wound, "This is Zero Squad, is anyone on this frequency?" there was nothing but static, "Please, this is N7 Operative Shepard. I have a wounded turian in need of medical attention," still nothing, "Is anyone there?" her heart sank even further. This turian would die without medical attention. He'd sit and eventually bleed out. He'd die and there would be nothing she could do. She looked at him, but he just looked away.

"Hello? This is Delta Squad. We have two medics at site B. Can you carry the turian? Is he conscious?" It was like a prayer answered. If there was a God or Goddess, if there was any higher power at all, it must've been watching.

"Yes! Yes, I can carry him. He can limp, the damage is to his shoulder. It doesn't look to be a through and through, but he is conscious," Shepard wanted to cry she was so happy. She continued speaking with Delta until she finished securing Garrus' medical tape.

"They answered," he started but then couldn't say anymore, for he started coughing again.

"Don't strain yourself. Site B is almost a kilometer up the road. It should be clear though. It'll take us 10 minutes to get there," she took out some of the crackers she had in her pack, "Can turians eat crackers?"

He sighed, looking relieved to see food, "Yeah. The only human food we can eat," he took one of the crackers and quickly ate it, savoring the taste of the salty treat.

It took a bit longer than she expected to get to site B. They had to hide out behind a bush while some batarians rushed past, trying to regroup. As far as she could tell, it seemed as though they were winning. When they were only a few meters away from the site, shots rang in the distance. They hid once more behind trees, trying to get a feel for what was in the area. She'd forgotten about his sniper rifle. He'd carried it around the entire way, refusing to part with it. He pulled it out and she gave him a weird look, "Put that away, you are too injured to use your gun, soldier," She always had her gun in arm's reach, but he clung to his rifle like nothing she'd ever seen before.

"Where I go, my rifle goes. There is something moving out there, its been following us for a time," he was the most perceptive man she'd ever met. She drew her gun and he leaned against the tree for leverage, "There you are," he murmured, coughing a little bit afterwards. No more than a minute later he pulled his trigger. She was still looking for the target. He groaned from the backlash of the rifle, but seemed content. One thing she certainly needed to learn: perception.

Shepard carried him on for a little further, "How could you possibly have the energy to fire that round and yet you can't carry yourself?" she shook her head, laughing at his odd behavior from before.

"Hey, I'm a hard ass, not a super turian," he groaned as he chuckled. She did never understand what some of her colleagues had against other races, especially turians. Turians were essentially like humans. Well, except from the bird-like appearance and the slight attitude of having a large stick up their ass, they were like humans.

That's how they first met. And they wouldn't meet again for another few years. While she was establishing my life and really taking in all she could learn, he was training for c-sec. He would've made a damn good commander. Well, if she wasn't already his commander.

* * *

Starlight Sanctuary: Well, there is Chapter 3. These past two chapters haven't been really lengthy. If it weren't for the stress, I could've made them longer, but I've been putting it off for too long. I have myself this deadline and I stuck to it. Sorry it is so late! Hope you enjoyed. I'll get the next chapter out as soon as I am able.


End file.
